What is This 3-Letter Word?
The most frustrating thing I’ve experienced as a mother of young kids is the drama of tantrums and meltdowns. Can you relate?
Amidst weeping, wailing, and gnashing of little teeth, I discovered a three-letter word that almost magically call a halt to all the drama. What is this three-letter word? “YES!”
Leave “NO” at the Door
Before we get into how saying YES! can stop a tantrum, let’s look at how the opposite of YES (no) can be the cause of tantrums.
Here is a typical parenting scenario.
You and your child are at the store and your child spots a Thomas the Train or Polly Pocket they simply cannot live without. Your child asks you sweetly (or not so sweetly) to buy the shiny new toy.
Instinctively, you respond “No,” followed by a host of logical reasons why you are not going to buy the toy ranging from “I’m not going to spent $40 on another Thomas the Train set,” to “You have a room full of toys at home that you never play with. We are not buying another one!”
Your child’s response? Instant tantrum. Fellow shoppers peek sideways at your raging toddler as they scurry past the meltdown feeling particularly grateful they are in charge of dealing with that dramatic scene.
Taming the tantrum in 60 seconds by saying “Yes”
Let’s take the same scenario and tweak it just a bit. This time, we will avoid the two-letter “N” word.
Your child spots the shiny toy and insists they must have it this very second. Here is your tantrum taming response:
“Wow! That is an awesome toy, isn’t it? I can see in your little face that you really want that toy, is that right? It sure would be fun to play with. That toy is perfect to put on your birthday list or your Christmas list as soon as we get home.”
At the mention of birthday or Christmas, your child’s eyes twinkle in anticipation and they excitedly agree to put the toy on their list. You have just given your child an open-ended yes, and avoided the dreaded “N” word thereby avoiding a meltdown.
Why does this work?
Young kids are little bundles of emotion. Logic does not become part of their cognitive vocabulary until they reach about 6 to 8 years of age. They don’t care about why you don’t want to buy them a toy; all they care about is that they want it. This is why attempts to rationalize with a young child about why they shouldn’t want something don’t work. The fact is that they do want it quite passionately, and they have no desire to hear your logical reasons why they shouldn’t want something.
Kids need to feel that you are listening to them and you understand them. As the scenario above demonstrated, it is quick and easy to fill this need without turning your house into a satellite store for Toys R Us .
Here are the 3 critical steps to tame a tantrum by saying “Yes”
- Acknowledge that your child really wants what they are asking for by repeating their request.
- Mirror to them their own excitement and how fun it would be to get what they are asking for.
- Leave it open-ended by writing down what it is they want on a special list and keep that list visible for your child to see.
By taking about a minute of your time and following these three easy steps, you have helped redirect your child’s attention and avoided an ugly and embarrassing situation and created a pleasant interaction that ultimately will help strengthen your relationship with your child.
That is the power of Parenting by the Minute.
And to get Free Instant Access to “Discover 60 Second Parenting” eBook and MP3 that will give you all the tools you need to get started in Parenting By The Minute and help you enjoy your children more, sign up in the box at the upper right-hand corner, fair enough?
Until next time…Happy parenting and remember to make those small minutes count.
